The Fizzy Pop Vampire

A Heart Warming Tale Of Vampires. Lemonade. Wiggly Words & Wobbly Drawings.

Once upon a day at work a conversation with Den Patrick went something thus….

I can illustrate your book.
You’ve never illustrated anything like it?
Nope.
And you don’t have the slightest clue what it is or how it works?
Nope.
Okay, good enough for me!

And so I acquired partial ownership of a fat vampire that steals lemonade. Cool. Given the large degree of trust just involved there I thought I’d better try and do something pretty damned spandy with the crayons.

Visualizing stuff from other people’s heads? Weird. People tend to have no preconceived idea of how their ideas should look until you’ve actually draw something. At this point they then inform you that it should be blue. The red you’ve chosen is entirely wrong. You are a spaz. So it’s always a bit nerve wracking drawing somebody else’s creation. But Den is patience personified to work with. And easily distracted by Iron Man if all else fails.

This is what the little guy originally started off looking like. I love the early 1960s work of Friz ‘Pink Panther’ Freleng. Which this borrows an awful lot from. It didn’t quiet work though. Too many folk with a copy of Illustrator can churn this stuff out. And I wanted something that looked as idiosyncratic as Mr Patrick’s fiendishly wonderful words.


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Okaaaaaay. Back to pen and paper basics then. What would a vampire thingee that steals lemonade look like? Turns out, in my head, a kinda big, fat, sinister bat. A little Bauhaus. A little post Rudy Rucker visualization of time and dimensions. A little Yuko ‘Hello Kitty’ Shimizu and I’m good with the design. Thankfully Den was too. Major relief. No illustators were slapped during the making of this book.

I steal lemonade The Fizzy Pop Vampire

So numerous cups of tea, much Moderat and many hours of marker pen fumes later and we have a book. Hard when you’re working full-time but, yeah, life sucks. Well, what do you do with it then? Seemingly spend hours of your life, that you’ll never get back, having publishers and agents tell you “they just love the book but not in the current climate/ it’s wonderful – maybe later in the year/ lovely concept but can we put you on a ‘possibles’ list?”. So never being somebody to let having no idea what I’m doing stop me I think the words ‘ebook’.

I then find out if you start saying the words ‘full colour picture book’ and ‘digital publishing’ in the same sentence to people they start muttering things like ‘difficult’ at you. Unlike a text based novel, picture books are a tricky beasty and require something called ‘fixed format publishing’. Well, unless you’re happy with the book looking like some vague aproxcimation of your original designs. I can’t even find anybody in the UK who’ll work with me on this so Mr Fizzy Pop Vampire goes to the US of A. A deal is struck with Publish Green. I’ll burn the photoshop midnight oil redesigning the entire book for the iPad/Phone. Publish Green will get it working as an ebook for Apple. Den will be superbly patient. Again.

Weeks pass but then an actual ebook arrives. Look at that! Exciting! I’m entranced that I can turn the pages on the iPad. Well, I’m easily pleased. But it’s pretty neat to see three coffee stained pages of Den’s copy, that were stuck to the front of my Mac for nearly a year, now appear as a shiny little digital publication.

One of the very few things that stuck in my head from art college was reading that Paul Klee said “Drawing is taking a line for a walk”. I love that. It always comes to mind when I’m wondering how to illustrate something. And hopefully, with Mr Fizz, I at least managed to take a small vampire for an wandering stroll.

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Soooooo… Mr F P Vampire now safely has a little home at the Apple iBook Store. If you’d like one of your very own go take a look!

Yes, please. I would like to buy a small vampire for my i-thingees…
The Fizzy Pop Vampire – Den Patrick & Sarah Anne Langton
Thank you.

More of those peculiar words and further geeky doing from Den Patrick right here!

Day Of Demons

A day in a life with a demon. Any demon. Please write a short story.

To me? An irresistible idea for an anthology as it offered a good excuse for wandering about the internet poking into demonic pacts, hellish secrets and Faustian goings on. Too many great things to try and write about. But how could you get yourself stuck with a demon? Was this necessarily a bad thing? And once you’d signed your life away how exactly would you go about trying to renege on the deal?

Enter Mrs Milton. As I’m pretty sure old ladies know far more than they ever let on… My small contribution the the Anachron Press ‘Day of Demons’ anthology.

A little excerpt…

The Devil and Mrs Milton

Would you like my life? The money. The connections. The trappings of wealth. The comforts of success. Would you take it if I offered? Snatch opportunity from my hands? In one small gesture have this to be yours?

Don’t be under any illusions. Don’t fail to see behind the shining veneer. This all came at a high price. A tithe paid in blood. And you should be very careful with whom you strike a bargain.

Nothing is a safe bet. And there’s sometimes a cost you don’t really want to pay.

I have an appointment this evening. A nefarious friend is intending to call. Balance on a debt that’s unavoidably due. Not anybody you’d like to meet. But stay and talk a while. I have a little time before he arrives.

The business deal. A social engagement. The relationship. The new enterprise. I have the magical gift of turning all to gold. Success always stands by my side. Doors that eternally open. My path invariably takes me towards greater rewards. Whatever journey I embark upon my providence is assured. I never put a foot wrong. Always safely walk between the paving cracks. I have insinuated myself into the most fortuitous relationship with life. Everything unfailingly falls my way. Life appears to love me. A prominent participant in all that is esteemed. But I’ve had a little help you see. An unfair advantage. A sleight of hand. A dirty secret. Something I’ve kept hidden from others in my world. Not that ever I asked for it. Nothing that I wanted. A node of success. Too big. Too close. A life that didn’t appear tangible to any who looked too intently. A legacy of my family for generations. A bargain made in my absence a long time ago.

Perhaps I should be resigned to my fate. A bit of North London Zen? I’ve had many long years to think about this day. Plotting. Planning. Secrets. My fetch has always stood close by. Watching from the sidelines. Expectantly eager in the corners of a room. She’s never been too distant. Always following in the backwash of my days. The street lights that dim as I approach. The hissing cat that will never sit by my side. The distant chime of bells as sleep pulls me down into fragmentary dreams. I discern my guest and his associates have tainted my life. Little reminders to ensure I don’t forget our deal. I fear that I burn a little too brightly in the more ethereal of places. But that was never of my choice. An attraction I never desired. And as the more esoteric of gentleman would point out (and I’m certain they speak truly) when you have no choice but to see them, then of course, they can see you.

I believe my guest is on his way. Twisting just out of perception. Signal to noise against the monochrome streets of a Camden winter’s day. Don’t feel obliged to wait with me. I’m sure anybody would understand should you leave. But company is pleasant. And I have a curious tale to tell.

And should you maybe wish to find out what exactly happens to the erstwhile Mrs Milton, along with eight other storming tales of demonic doings from Anachron Press, it’s all right here!

day of demons Day Of Demons

‘Deal’ by Karen Davies, ‘Inheritance’ by Phil Hickes, ‘Serpent’s Kiss’ by Krista Walsh, ‘Sam & The Spear’ by Gary Bonn. ‘Numen’ by V. Đ. Griesdoorn, ‘City of Light and Stone’ by Laura Diamond, ‘Cost of Glory’ by Edward Drake and ‘A Mother’s Love’ by James M. Mazzaro. All masterfully put together by editor Colin F. Barnes!

Day of Demons is a collection of powerful stories featuring the conflict of demons and humans over the course of a day.

Read how one woman’s inner-self awakens to unexpected and frightening consequences, or how a charismatic half-breed thief is forced to strike a deal with a pen-stealing imp. Read about a mother as she struggles to cope with a deadly, satanic bargain, and a sword-wielding anti-hero as he returns out of exile to face his demonic fate.

Nine stories, nine demons, nine authors. From fantasy, to horror, to contemporary fiction, this anthology will fright, delight and grip you with tales of daring-do, danger and of course — demons.

Anachron Press

Available right now at Amazon UK and Amazon US! Go take a look if you’d like some demonic tales to entertain. And who wouldn’t?

Pandemonium: Stories Of The Smoke

Charles Dickens. What does mention of that name make me think? Well, Victorian literary heavyweight. Bah Humbug!. Social critic. Genius characterization. London at her most deliciously captivating. London at her grubby, grasping worst. Of being entranced reading a ‘Tale of Two Cities’. And the iconic image of Oliver Reed as Bill Sikes. Oh, and his dog. For some reason Bill Sikes’s dog.

So with those thoughts I sat down to try and write a Dickensian tale for the wonderful ‘Pandemonium: Stories Of The Smoke’ anthology. A bit daunting for me as I’ve never written anything above a little flash fiction before but I love London. Her history has so many fascinating tales to tell. It would be nice to try and make a small contribution to those.

And after having “You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys…” stuck in my head for several days, spending a lot of enjoyable time reading about the dubious history of London graveyards and a near literary contextual faux pas involving me inadvertently writing about water pumps terrorizing the inhabitants of Soho – top editing save from Anne C. Perry – Mr Bullseye appeared.

A tiny little excerpt…

Bullseye

You can always get what you want. Enough money? The right contacts? Smart enough to read the City’s ebb and flow of dirty little connections? Yes? Then it’s yours.

Bullseye. Whatever you need. Mr Bullseye to you.

And that’s what I do. A very specialist service for a very select clientele. And if you don’t know how to find me, then you probably don’t need to. Though all you have to do is look in the right places. Nasty places though, mind. Places you don’t really want to go. The City knows how to find me. If you let her. She’s a little too shy to reveal her very darkest of secrets, but then she’s a lady. Always has been. Just show her a bit of respect and she’ll soon bring you down to find me, when there’s business to be done.

And I’ve always been a people person. Happy to help.

Walk behind Waterloo Station. The smell of electricity. The solidified grime of a thousand commutes home. Marsh Street. South of the river. A road that’s always been here. And South of the river was always a haven for the City’s basest of desires. Bear baiting. Brothels. Money laundering, Taverns. Visit the circus and get knifed for your gold buttons by some enterprising soul. From these streets seeps the legacy of an unsated need to indulge. Ingrained into the spiritual geography a formal dictum of rapacity. There’s always a price here for anything you’re selling. Always the ways and means to do business. Circumvent the faux respectability of the trader’s luncheon right here on the street.

For tomorrow? Well, that’ll cost you. But when do I not deliver?

And if you’d maybe like to read the rest you’ll be needing one of these tasty little items… ‘Pandemonium: Stories Of The Smoke’

stories of the smoke Pandemonium: Stories Of The Smoke
Which gets you 15 more wondrous tales of London Town from Sarah Lotz, Archie Black, Aliette de Bodard, Alexis Kennedy, Esther Saxey, David Thomas Moore, Jonathan Green, Rebecca Levene, Jenni van der Merwe, Glen Mehn, Kaaron Warren, Michelle Goldsmith, James Wallis, Charles Dickens, Lavie Tidhar, David Thomas Moore and Adam Roberts.

Not only that… in true Dickensian style the anthology is beautifully illustrated by Gary Northfield and the whole smokin’ package put together by wonderful editors by Anne C. Perry and Jared Shurin from publishers Jurassic London!

Pandemonium: Stories of the Smoke brings you London as you’ve never seen it before – science fiction and fantasy in the great tradition of Charles Dickens.

Charles Dickens lived and breathed London in a way few authors ever have, before or since. In his fiction, his non-fiction, and even his own life, Dickens cast an extraordinary shadow over the city he so loved – so much so, indeed, that his name has become synonymous with a certain image of London. A London of terrible social inequality and matchless belief in the human potential; a London filled with the comic and the repulsive, the industrious and the feckless, the faithful and the faithless, the selfish and the selfless.

This London is at once an historical artifact and a living, breathing creature: the steaming, heaving, weeping, stinking, everlasting Smoke.

Jurassic London

Available right now at Amazon UK and Amazon US. Hopefully you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing a few of the words.

The Fizzy Pop Vampire

Vampires, lemonade, wiggly words and wobbly drawings. The Fizzy Pop Vampire!

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This fully illustrated children’s book takes a quirky look at what a tiny vampire might get up to in your kitchen. Maybe he’s stealing lemonade? The Fizzy Pop Vampire can’t be trusted one little bit! But a badly behaved vampire can be greedy. Stolen fizzy drinks and lazy dental hygiene just don’t mix.

A cautionary tale on the dangers of having a sweet tooth with twenty pages of full colour wobbly drawings and wonderful rhyme. A visual feast ideal for very small people. Adults who don’t want to grow up. And anybody who loves stuff with a peculiar twist.

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Lemonade thieving Mr Fizz is available for your iPad/iPhone at the Apple iBook Store.

Yes, please. I would like to buy a small vampire for my i-thingees…
The Fizzy Pop Vampire – Den Patrick & Sarah Anne Langton
Thank you.

There’s a more about how he sneaked into the world straight from the peculiar mind of author Den Patrick justy here. And some of my blatherings all about illustrating him right here!

Words

Urban Occult

The whispers and chills of things long gone… the promise of power from the darkness… the seduction of those that lie in the shadows… the occult is all around us: in town houses, in mansions, and in your very own street.

Editor Colin F. Barnes collected together fifteen stories by a cast of critically acclaimed authors from around the globe who look into the stygian gloom, explore the dark corners of our houses, and peer into the abyss of human temptation.

Featuring stories by: Gary McMahon, Ren Warom, Gary Fry, Mark West, K.T. Davies, Nerine Dorman, Alan Baxter, Adam Millard, Julie Travis, Jason Andrew, James Brogden, A.A Garrison, Jennifer Williams, Sarah Anne Langton, and Chris Barnham.

Anachron Press

Urban Occult Cover Words

There’s a tiny excerpt from my wandering words just here – if you fancy a taster…

Mrs West, along with fourteen other wonderfully spooky urban tales, are out from Anachron. All edited by the mighty Colin F Barnes. Go take a look!

Pandemonium: Stories Of The Smoke

Pandemonium: Stories of the Smoke brings you London as you’ve never seen it before – science fiction and fantasy in the great tradition of Charles Dickens.

This London is at once an historical artifact and a living, breathing creature: the steaming, heaving, weeping, stinking, everlasting Smoke.

Jurassic London

stories of the smoke Words
Fifteen wondrous tales of London Town from Sarah Lotz, Archie Black, Aliette de Bodard, Alexis Kennedy, Esther Saxey, David Thomas Moore, Jonathan Green, Rebecca Levene, Jenni van der Merwe, Glen Mehn, Kaaron Warren, Michelle Goldsmith, James Wallis, Charles Dickens, Lavie Tidhar, David Thomas Moore, Adam Roberts and me!

You can read a little excerpt from my grimy Dickensian tale ‘Bullseye’ just here!

Available now at Amazon UK and Amazon US.

Day Of Demons

Day of Demons is a collection of powerful stories featuring the conflict of demons and humans over the course of a day.

Read how one woman’s inner-self awakens to unexpected and frightening consequences, or how a charismatic half-breed thief is forced to strike a deal with a pen-stealing imp. Read about a mother as she struggles to cope with a deadly, satanic bargain, and a sword-wielding anti-hero as he returns out of exile to face his demonic fate.

Nine stories, nine demons, nine authors. From fantasy, to horror, to contemporary fiction, this anthology will fright, delight and grip you with tales of daring-do, danger and of course — demons.

Anachron Press

day of demons Words

‘Deal’ by Karen Davies, ‘Inheritance’ by Phil Hickes, ‘Serpent’s Kiss’ by Krista Walsh, ‘Sam & The Spear’ by Gary Bonn. ‘Numen’ by V. Đ. Griesdoorn, ‘City of Light and Stone’ by Laura Diamond, ‘Cost of Glory’ by Edward Drake, ‘A Mother’s Love’ by James M. Mazzaro and ‘The Devil and Mrs Milton’ by Sarah Anne Langton. All masterfully put together by editor Colin F. Barnes!

And if you’d like to read a little excerpt from my small contribution to ‘Day of Demons’ there’s a taste of ‘The Devil and Mrs Milton’ right here. I’m pretty sure old ladies know far more than they ever let on…

Available right now at Amazon UK and Amazon US! Go take a look if you’d like some demonic tales to entertain. And who wouldn’t?

Flash Fiction

flower1 WordsGlitch You don’t really notice normal till it’s not there… glitch.

flower2 WordsAre You Listening? The city isn’t a nice place. It has its dirty little secrets.

flower1 WordsSnow Sleep doesn’t like me. We’ve never been friends.